Category Archives: Reflections

Dusshera – Good Over Evil

Dusshera is symbolic of the victory of good over evil. The myth and legends point to the victory of Rama over Ravana and Durga over Mahishasura.

We are all happy that Rama defeated Ravana and Goddess Durga killed Mahishasura. So now that both Ravana and Mahishasura are out of the way long ago, does it mean that we are now living in good times? Hardly.

Look around you and you will find so much evil in the world today also. So has Ravana taken birth again? Has Mahishasura become alive again? If so, where is Rama and Durga? Are they just imprisoned in temples and Chief Guests during Navaratri?

The point that we miss in all this is that these stories are not external. There is a Rama and Ravana within us. There is a Durga and Mahishasura within us. It is the way we think that determines whether we are Rama or Ravana, Durga or Mahishasura. The battle is in our minds – the battle of good and evil. Who will win?

It is said that good ultimately wins over evil. But is it that given enough time, good will win? What about till then? Is evil dominating till then? Will good win before we die?

It is very important to realize the evil within us. We mistakenly believe it is outside. But look closely. Is anger out there? Is envy or jealousy or hatred out there? Or in here? Who gets frustrated and irritated when things are not going your way?

We think other people are the cause of our negative reactions. It may be so. But that does not let you off the hook. The inner war is the cause of the outer war, not the other way round. If you are at peace internally, where is the need to hate someone, get angry at someone, or become irritated?

Check within who is in charge – good or evil. Have you taken offence on someone saying something bad about you? Are you complaining about something or someone? Are you wishing other people in your life were different and treated you more lovingly? Do you feel misunderstood and that no one is listening to you? Are you carrying grudges against someone who has hurt you in the past? Are you planning to take revenge for some wrong done to you? Are you constantly worried about how you will succeed in life? Are you afraid about what others will think about you?

If any of this is true even momentarily, it means evil exists in you. One of the characteristics of evil is that it keeps you in deception. You feel everything is ok. That it is natural to be this way. That the problem is not with you but with others. This gives evil time to incubate and grow till it becomes very difficult to manage and overcome. In the end, we die without experiencing the victory of good over evil.

Our notions of good are quite superficial, just limited to good external behavior. It is like putting on a fake smile while going to a party you don’t want to or congratulating someone on their success while internally smirking that he did not deserve it.

Appearing to be good has become more important than truly being good. In fact, we do not even know what it means to be truly and genuinely good. We keep repeating that good ultimately wins in the end. After all that is what is conveyed in all the movies and all the mythological stories, isn’t it?

The point is not that I am painting a picture of the world in which nothing can be done. The point is that the hero of the movie is not some other person. It is YOU.

There is a Rama and Durga within you. Instead of identifying yourself with your name and circumstances, you must identify yourself with these forces of good within you. That is when the battle of good against the evil actually begins. Until this battle begins, evil is winning hands down.

Once evil is seen within, the seeing itself is the good, the fight begins. You will see how your anger has fractured your relationships. You will see how your misperceptions have ruined your friendships. You will see how your envy and jealousy have distorted your understanding of others. You will see how your vengefulness and hard feelings have crippled the quality of your life. You will see you have no love within you for anyone. You will repent for carrying hard feelings for someone. You will forgive and ask for forgiveness. You will start loving everything for the first time.

Only and only then good is said to win. Once good awakens, it will know what to do, it will tell you what to do. There is no chance then for Ravana and Mahishasura to gain any foothold. There is a path of goodness, there is a good life that one can live. It is our birthright to live a good life with love and affection for nature and other human beings. Are you ready for such a life?

Mahishasura was a shape-shifting demon. Just like him, the evil within us comes in different manifestations. You have to be as agile and persistent as Durga to overcome these stratagems. Your aim must be to live a life of goodness, to be a genuinely good human being. No amount of wealth, success and fame can compare with such a life.

I invite you to live the good life. Wish you a Happy Dusshera!

Ae Bhai Zara Dekh Ke Chalo

Bollywood songs and spirituality – there seems to be no connection between the two. 80% of the song are romantic songs where the male and female actors express their love for each other or grieving songs because they did not get the love they desired. Other 19% are different genres of songs – travel, dance, kids, or situational. Very few, less than 1% songs would be devotional or related to God, Ishwar or Allah.

Now, if you have a spiritual bent of mind, and if you have never turned over this idea in your mind, let me suggest to you that if you replace the lover in the songs with God, most of these so called romantic Bollywood songs can as well be sung for the love of God. Yes, with no change of lyrics but just a change in direction or rather just a change of image in your mind.

Let me share some examples. Listen to these songs and replace the man or the woman with God, Ishwar, Allah or simply a higher power.

सजदे में यूँ ही झुकता हूँ
तुमपे ही आ के रुकता हूँ
क्या ये सबको होता है

हमको क्या लेना है सबसे
तुमसे ही सब बातें अब से
बन गए हो तुम मेरी दुआ

खुदा जाने के मैं फ़िदा हूँ
खुदा जाने मैं मिट गया
खुदा जाने ये क्यूँ हुआ है
के बन गए हो तुम मेरे खुदा

From Bachna Ae Haseeno (2008)

हम तेरे बिन अब रह नहीं सकते
तेरे बिना क्या वजूद मेरा
तुझसे जुदा गर हो जाएँगे
तो खुद से ही हो जाएंगे जुदा
क्योंकि तुम ही हो
अब तुम ही हो
ज़िन्दगी अब तुम ही हो
चैन भी, मेरा दर्द भी
मेरी आशिकी अब तुम ही हो

From Aashiqui 2 (2013)

तू आता है सीने में
जब-जब साँसें भरती हूँ
तेरे दिल की गलियों से
मैं हर रोज़ गुज़रती हूँ
हवा के जैसे चलता है तू,
मैं रेत जैसे उड़ती हूँ
कौन तुझे यूँ प्यार करेगा
जैसे मैं करती हूँ?

From M S Dhoni: The Untold Story (2016)

Pick any song you like. See how easy it is to get into a spiritual mindset by simply changing the direction of your love.

What is love? Love is love, if we don’t categorize it as parental love or sexual love or compassionate love. You can love a person, love an animal, love an activity or love a higher force.

All of Rumi’s compositions were about love. For instance this one below

“I want to see you.
Know your voice.
Recognize you when you
first come ’round the corner.
Sense your scent when I come
into a room you’ve just left.
Know the lift of your heel,
the glide of your foot.
Become familiar with the way
you purse your lips
then let them part,
just the slightest bit,
when I lean in to your space
and kiss you.
I want to know the joy
of how you whisper


Or this one

“This is how I would die
into the love I have for you:
As pieces of cloud
dissolve in sunlight.”


So you never thought you could get enlightened by humming Bollywood songs in the shower? I hope you are convinced of the possibility now. You were just thinking of the wrong person all this while.

I particularly like the song – Ae bhai jara dekh ke chalo from Mera Naam Joker, picturised on Raj Kapoor and sung by Manna Dey with music by Shanker Jaikishan. It not only is an entertaining song but also carries a deep meaning, if you care to think about it, as deep as Buddha’s teachings. I don’t know with what feelings the lyricist Neeraj (Gopaldas Saxena) composed this song but I am sure he definitely had some insight. Anyway, here is how this song can be interpreted spiritually.

Ae Bhai Zara Dekh Ke Chalo

ए भाई ज़रा देखके चलो
आगे ही नहीं पीछे भी
दायें ही नहीं बाएं भी
ऊपर ही नहीं
नीचे भी ए भाई

Hey human, be mindful, be watchful, be aware of what you are doing. Do not be distracted by what is on your left or right or up or down. Whatever you do, wherever you go, maintain your awareness. You might trip and fall and hurt yourself or you might hurt others. So be watchful.

तू जहां आया है वो तेरा
घर नहीं गली नहीं
गाँव नहीं कुचा नहीं
रास्ता नहीं बस्ती नहीं

The place where you have come – this earth – is not your home, not your village, city, street or residence. Do not attach yourself to this place and its attractions. It is not what it seems. You may think it is your home or your city but it is not so.

दुनिया है और प्यारे
दुनिया यह एक सरकस है
और इस सर्कस में
बड़े को भी चोटे को भी
खरे को भी खोटे को भी
मोठे को भी पतले को भी
निचे से ऊपर को
ऊपर से नीचे को
बराबर आना जाना पड़ता है

Dear friend, this world can be compared to a circus. And in a circus whether you are young or old, rich or poor, honest or dishonest, the rules are the same. Everyone experiences ups and downs in life. No one is spared. You can desire for a more comfortable life and so you may run after some sort of success or wealth but getting that or having that will not change how life works. You will still face losses sometime and gains sometime, happiness sometimes and grief sometimes.

और रिंग मास्टर के कोड़े पर
कोड़ा जो भूख है
कोड़ा जो पैसा है
कोड़ा जो किस्मत ह
तरह तरह नाच कर
दिखाना यहाँ पड़ता है
बारबार रोना और
गण यहाँ पड़ता है
हीरो से जोकर
बन जाना पड़ता है

And in a circus there is a ringmaster, the one who makes the animals dance to his whip – the whip being hunger, money, and fate. You have to sing and dance to the tune of this whip. With time, a hero may become a joker and a joker may become a hero. It is all a part of this circus.

गिराने से डरता है क्यों
मरने से डरता है क्यों
ठोकर तू जब न खायेगा
पास किसी गम को न
जब तक बुलाएगा
ज़िन्दगी है चीज़ क्या
नहीं जान पायेगा
रोता हुआ आया है
रोता चला जाएगा

So if this is a circus, why are you afraid? Why do you fear failure? Why do you fear death? Unless you experience loss or suffering, you will not know what is life. You will continue to cry all your life that life has not been fair to you. You will complain about other people, the government, the society, and your fate. But you will not experience insight into life if you do not experience the ending of any experience – a relationship or a good phase of life. Because life is characterized by change and impermanence. Everything that starts must end. When you understand this, you will stop complaining and start smiling & accepting what life is.

कैसा है करिश्मा
कैसा खिलवाड़ है
जानवर आदमी से
ज़्यादा वफ़ादार है
खाता है कोड़ा भी
रहता है भूखा भी
फिर भी वो मालिक पर
करता नहीं वार है
और इंसान यह माल
जिस का खाता है
प्यार जिस से पाटा है
गीत जिस के गाता है
उसी के ही सीने में
भोकता कतार है

What an irony it is that dumb animals are more loyal than humans. An animal will suffer the beatings of his master, will stay hungry but will never hurt his master. But a human will hurt the same person whose money he enjoys, whose love he experiences and even whose praises he sings. Humans are the product of this world, they come out of this world, they are born in this world because of this world and yet they speak bad about their life and exploit everyone for their selfish goals.

हाँ बाबू, यह सरकस है
शो तीन घंटे का
पहला घंटा बचपन है,
दूसरा जवानी है
तीसरा बुढ़ापा है

So buddy, this circus is a 3 part show – first phase is childhood, second youth and third old age.

और उसके बाद – माँ नहीं, बाप नहीं
बेटा नहीं, बेटी नहीं,
तू नहीं, मैं नहीं,
कुछ भी नहीं रहता है रहता है
जो कुछ वो – ख़ाली-ख़ाली कुर्सियाँ हैं
ख़ाली-ख़ाली ताम्बू है,
ख़ाली-ख़ाली घेरा है
बिना चिड़िया का बसेरा है,
न तेरा है, न मेरा है

After that, nothing remains, neither mother, father, son, daughter, you and me. Nothing. It is all empty. The house is empty, there is no audience, just an empty nest, which is neither yours nor mine.

Death is the trigger for all spiritual inquiries. Siddharth Gautama, overwhelmed by the prospect of death coming to himself and his family, left everything in his search for the meaning of life and death. In every genuine spiritual teaching, the idea of death is one of the central points for introspection.

Gurdjieff likened humans to goats living in ignorance even while they are being taken to the butcher. How can you enjoy life when you know you are going to die one day and do not know when that day will come. Death is certain but when and how it will come is not certain.

And when life ends, all your achievements, all your wealth, all your legacy – what happens to that? Does it stay with you? Nope. It is all empty. It was empty all along even while the circus was going on. 

To know this emptiness is not the end of motivation for life or the end of the life energy. You may think emptiness is nihilistic but that is only because you have not gone to the very depth. Knowing emptiness deeply, you will no longer be attached. You will in fact be free for the first time. Since there is no you, to rephrase, there will be freedom and an end to suffering. You will not suffer from the ups and downs of life. You will be equanimous in the face of comfort and adversity both. Isn’t that a worthwhile goal, something that every human must aim for?

So, Ae bhai, please, Jara Dekh Ke Chalo! Won’t you?


Some said she was mad. That she was taken to a psychiatrist in the past was reason enough to declare her mad. And also the information that she went into depression 3 times was supposed to make it clear that she is mad. And it is easy for anyone to believe so, based on the information given, especially if it comes from someone who is close to you and who is ‘clearly’ not mad. Further it is possible, you might hear the same thing from multiple people, which reinforces the notion.

From the above, it would seem that only a person who is not mad can recognize a person who is mad. But if we give it some thought, it would be clear that it would not be possible for a person who claims to be not mad to recognize another who is mad. How does he know? Has he been mad before to know intimately that the other person is mad? Or is he an expert in the field of madness?

Come to think of it, the psychiatrists who treat their patients do not think that they are mad. Then what makes it so easy for us to judge someone as mad. Do we have any checklist for coming to that conclusion? I guess not. So why do we accept so easily that she is mad. Is it that we trust the person who reports it? Do we believe that the person has verified it for himself and has enough proof of the same? Or accepting someone as mad makes us feel superior in comparison? If she is mad, then I am not.

Once I accept that she is mad, then my behavior towards her will be colored by that judgement. I may avoid her. I may be careful in speaking to her. And I will ignore or discount anything she says because after all she is mad. And a mad person can say nothing of significance.

If I am the sort of person who does not think and evaluate the information I receive, then I am happy with the ‘knowledge’ that she is mad. I am only interested in taking advantage of such tips. I would think to myself – Thanks for telling me. It will save my time as I do not have to deal with her now.

But if I am the sort of person who knows, maybe through past experience, that just hearing from someone that she is mad is not enough for me to get a full understanding of the situation, then I will reserve my judgment on her. I will only make a note of the statement that someone made with respect to her and leave it at that. I am in no hurry to accept it as a fact.

If I am never going to meet her, then what is the point of carrying this information with me? And if I simply want to share this information with others then I am clearly acting like the person who simply forwards Whatsapp messages without restraint.

However, if I happen to meet her then I have the opportunity of knowing for myself whether she is mad or not. But in this case, it is difficult for most people to be objective. The previous information gathered from hearsay might lead one to perceive all her behavior as that of a mad person. And in this perception, one forgets that one is not an expert in this field of madness anyway so how can one make a proper assessment?

I can only observe that she is different. She speaks differently, reacts differently, behaves differently. Is that enough for me to come to a conclusion about her being mad?

Do I want her to be normal? What does normal mean anyway? Does it mean like me? Or some ideal I have in mind? Expecting someone to be someone else is like saying I was expecting blue to be green and orange to be red. But blue is blue and green is green. Everything is as it is, despite our wishes about it. A person is far more complex than a color.

What if I allow her to be – allow her to be the way she is. Does it really matter whether we categorize her as mad or not mad? If we do not conclude anything, then there is nothing more to do. The question whether she is mad or not mad is no longer important.

It is easy to label an image of a person in the mind as mad but when you meet a person in the flesh, that description is insufficient to capture the entire essence of the person. So there is no choice but to drop the conclusion, to drop the judgment and let the person go free.

Does Rain Have A Brain?

It is rainy season. It rains, sometimes continuously for days and sometimes intermittently through the day. The news channels are busy reporting the havoc caused by incessant rains in different parts of the country where normal life is seriously disrupted.


Is the rain doing it on purpose? Does it have a brain so to say? Does it decide where to rain and how much to rain? Does it see from high above the clouds, as it surveys the landscape, and then does it decide on its target audience or target city and then with great precision, commences its attack on unsuspecting people, vehicles, animals, roads and buildings and only stops when it is satisfied that the planned damage has been accomplished?

It seems childish to credit rain with this kind of intentional activity but every now and then we do speak or hear others speak of the rain in this manner. For example, it happens to many of us that we start from home to go to our place of work and we note that it is not raining when we start. But as soon as we are on the road, it rains heavily as if the rain wants to get at us, especially me. And this thought is reinforced by the observation that the rain stops as soon as you reach your destination. Even if you are the most rational person, you might want to credit the rain with a devious brain when you see it doing this the third time in a row.

So does the rain really have a brain that is somehow tracking you and all other millions of people across the country, calculating all the permutations and combinations about how much to rain and on whom to rain; which roads to convert to potholes and which cars to drown? Obviously not. We all know that the rain is a function of the elements of the ecosystem. The hotter the summer, the stronger the rains – because the sun would have evaporated a lot of water from the water bodies and now all of that cannot remain in the clouds so it comes down. Where the rain hits is a function of the wind systems around the world and the tree cover on the land. So without going into the mathematics of the climate and weather systems, it would suffice to say that these are pure elements at work and rain does not care whether it is raining on bare land or on people or on cities or on forests.

Rains simply happen because that’s the way it is. It could not be any other way on that day at that time. If you are frustrated or angry because you got wet, it is not the rain’s fault. And in the same vein, it is not your fault either. Your brain reacts to the rain depending on your mind’s ecosystem – where the wind of your thoughts is blowing when it rains, how much the summer of being lost in activities of daily life evaporated your energy, and how much forest cover you have of your own self-awareness.

When it rains, you see adults taking cover while children coming out to play and dance. Simply a difference in the ecosystems of your mind.

Rains are an invitation to experience the senses – the smell of the earth, the feel of the water on your body, the sight of the clouds, intermittent sun and the occasional rainbow, the musical sound of the raindrops falling on the ground or even on the tin shed nearby and the taste of the hot tea or hot pakodas during the rains – everything about the rainy season is deeply sensual.

The rainy season stimulates the senses like no other season, if you care to pay attention and not get caught in news reports and thoughts about how the rain is scheming to upset your plans.

Rains are nature’s way of asking you to stop and observe the beauty of creation, the impermanence of everything around us that is continuously ending something and creating something new from that – the greenery with all the flowers that come up after rains, the crops that grow from rains and supply us with food and the rivers that nourish the land until the next rainy season – the power of nature.

So while I have argued from the point that rains do not have brains, I still am crediting nature with an intention in the above paragraph. That’s the way the mind works. Can’t help it!




Who Is Responsible For This?

There is an ancient story about a king who once ordered his minister in the middle of the night to fill up the royal swimming pool with milk so that he could swim in it in the morning. The minister was in a quandary on how to fulfill the king’s desire. It would take a long time to milk the cows to get such a large quantity. One of his courtiers suggested that if each person in the city could bring one cup of milk, then it is possible to fill the swimming pool. The minister liked the idea and immediately sent out messengers to all parts of the city with the order that everyone has to bring a cup of milk right away and pour it into the royal swimming pool. 


Now there was this one person who heard the king’s order and thought to himself, “Everyone is going to bring milk. What if I take a cup of water? One cup of water will not make any difference in the large tank full of milk. And in the night, no one will notice what I am pouring in the tank”. So that’s what he did. He joined the queue of people who had come with their cups of milk and when his turn came, quickly emptied his cup of water into the tank. The next morning, as the sun rose, the minister was terribly shocked to see that there was only water in the swimming pool and no milk.

There are many things that can be learned from this story.

It is apparent that everyone put in a cup of water in to the pool instead of a cup of milk. The reason why everyone did it is not clear because only one person’s thought is expressed. And it is not sure that everyone thought the same. It is possible that some did not have a cup of milk at home and therefore had to bring water because it was compulsory.

However, the crux of the story revolves around the thought that “No one will notice my lack of contribution because everyone is going to contribute”. And it is true that when all contribute to a task, then one person’s lack of contribution usually goes unnoticed. Take for example, in the game of Tug of War, if one person does not pull to his maximum strength or simply pretends to pull, then whether the team wins or loses, this act will go unnoticed. No one will be able to figure out who did not put his full effort into it.

Similarly in a team project, one person can become a “free rider” – someone who rides on the success brought about by others. A free rider is a person who enjoys a benefit accruing from a collective effort, but contributes little or nothing to the effort. It is sometimes difficult to identify such free riders in a large team because they pretend to contribute yet do nothing in reality.

The real problem happens when many people start becoming free riders because then it starts to affect the results, as in the case of the people who brought water instead of the milk. In the story, even if one or ten people had genuinely brought milk, that would go unnoticed in the whole pool of water. And it would seem that no one brought any milk.

Think from the perspective of the minister. When he sees the pool full of water, he would blow his top and would want to punish all those culprits who put water but that would mean punishing the whole city, which is practically impossible. Let’s assume he was a really evil minister. He would order the flogging of every individual in the city. This would mean even those who brought milk would face the punishment because they would have no way to prove their honesty.

With all this explanation, it is easy to draw parallels between the story and what we see in life around us. Just think of milk as taxes and you will be able to understand a lot. Think of people who evade taxes. Think of people who violate traffic rules. Think of why initiatives like Swacch Bharat do not become successful. If everyone contributed to making Bharat swacch, there would be no Swacch Bharat cess. Many other social evils like corruption can be understood from this angle.

Jesus spoke of being a good Samaritan 2000 years ago and yet we easily convince ourselves to let others be the good Samaritans while we go about our jobs. The story of somebody, anybody, everybody and nobody is important in this context.

Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody

Now there are two more important learnings in this story which are not so obvious. The first is that the whole activity happens anonymously. If the minister had checked each person’s cup before it was poured into the pool, he would have realized what is happening. There is a Hindi proverb – Doodh ka dooth aur pani ka pani ho jata – which is apt for this story.

Wherever there is anonymity, there is a scope for free riders.

Therefore, it is important to bring transparency in transactions. Not only in transactions but also in our own mind and thoughts. Awareness of one’s own thoughts can prevent us from doing wrong and acting in an inappropriate manner. Only when we believe no one is observing us, then we can think of doing wrong or not doing what is asked for.

The other important learning is from the perspective of the king. If the king makes unreasonable requests in the middle of the night, then he has no right to expect the results he wants. Supposing the request was genuine. For example, if the milk was needed for feeding poor children and there was visibility of that activity, many people in the city would have genuinely brought milk for them. However, I guess from this story that the king routinely announced such unreasonable orders to serve his personal luxury and therefore the people, having known this from past experience, acted in the fashion they did, thinking the king did not deserve their honesty. So as a leader, one must learn to make reasonable demands on one’s team in order to expect their full cooperation.

The most sticky situation is that of the minister (manager?). On the one hand, the king is going to be angry on him for not getting the job done and on the other hand, he cannot do anything to correct the situation.

So the question is – who is truly responsible?


Seeking For The Truth

Where Can I Find Truth

Lot of people seek for the truth.

But truth is not something that can be seen as some image.

It is not something that can be heard as some sound.

It is not something that can be smelled or tasted.

It is not something that can be touched.

So in what way do people expect to find the truth?

Is it an idea?

Is it some thought that is considered as the truth?

Is it an experience?

Note that in order to be sure that one has found the truth, one must be in a position to recognize it.

How can one recognize the truth if one has never had an experience of it before, when one does not know what it is?

Some say that truth is to be found within

True we can search for it within but what does one expect to find.

When the search begins one does not know what one is searching for & there are many falsities masquerading as the truth. So how does one differentiate ?

What if truth is right there in front of us but we miss it & go on seeking somewhere else ?

These are some questions that every sincere seeker of truth must investigate.  He or she must not accept or discard anything without proper investigation.


Death on a Mountain – A Parable

As I was taking a stroll down a winding mountain path in the late hours of a pleasant evening in the hope of catching a glimpse of a beautiful sunset, I saw a figure in the distance standing perilously close to the edge of what seemed like a cliff. He was standing with arms outstretched overlooking the valley. A thought flashed across my mind that this person was about to jump. I ran towards him as quickly as I could.

I shouted. “Hey. Stop”

“Hey. You there. Wait.”

He heard my voice and turned around. I reached there almost panting. I noticed his face was calm with just a hint of a smile. I almost bumped into him as there was a slope near the edge of the cliff and if he would not have held me, I would have gone down the edge myself.

Catching my breath, I said, “What.. What were you going to do? I thought you were going to jump.”

He said, “Yes, I was going to when I heard you.” He answered as a matter of fact as if it was the most natural thing to do at the edge of a cliff.

I blurted, “WHAT!. You were going to jump.. You mean you were going to… commit suicide. No. No. You can’t. You cannot do that!”

“Why not?”, he asked in the same calm tone. Something about his calmness had an effect on me and I gained my composure.

“Uh. I mean, you cannot just jump like that and kill yourself. It’s illegal to commit suicide.”

“You mean to say I will be punished if I commit suicide and die?” he looked at me with amusement.

I suddenly realized the stupidity of my question. I tried to gather my wits. He did not seem to be in a hurry to do anything and in a way was even enjoying the moment. What kind of man was he who was going to commit suicide and did not even show any sign of being troubled.

“Why? Why do you want to kill yourself? Any financial troubles?”


“Any trouble in your relationships”


I did not know what to ask next. Most people who commit suicide do so under great emotional duress caused by financial or emotional problems and here was a man who claimed to have no such problems and yet wanted to die. I was confused and curious at the same time.

The sky was beginning to get dark and the moon was a shining crescent. But I wanted to get to the bottom of this. I knew if I left him now, he would certainly jump. So I decided to engage him in a conversation.

“So why do you want to end your life? Are you not happy?”

“Are you happy?”

The question took me by surprise. I did not expect that.

“No I meant aren’t you happy in life? Why are you committing suicide?”

“I can never be happy. That is why I am killing it.”

“Yes, that’s why I am asking. What is the reason for you being unhappy? Look. It is a beautiful life. One must live and not end one’s life just like that.”

With a deep sigh, he looked at me and then looked at the horizon which was now turning pink and orange just after the sunset. He sat down stretching his legs in front of him. I also sat down beside him.

He said looking at the clouds in the distant sky, “Sooner or later, everyone has to die”

I said, “Yes, that’s right. We will all die but let life take its natural course. Who are you to kill yourself?” I felt some inconsistency in my question the moment I asked it. Does one need anybody’s permission to die? Does my life belong to somebody else that I need to take approval for ending it?

Agreed that my parents gave birth to me and raised me and now the organization pays my salary. Still, I am an independent individual and I don’t think anyone else can have a say about my life, definitely not the government.

God maybe. After all, God or nature or whatever is that force that created me is the only one that can or has the right to take life away from me. I cannot complain to anyone when I die of old age.

Come to think of it, I have no clue when I will die and under what circumstances – old age, accident, cancer, who knows. But surely, I will not end my own life. I have many things to do in life. I want to travel and visit different countries, experience the pleasures of life and fulfill my responsibilities towards my family and society. I also have to complete that project on which I am working.

“Do you know the story of the businessman and the fisherman?” his words broke my thought process.

I remembered the story quite well. A businessman advises a fisherman, who was happily relaxing under a tree to work harder and harder until one day he could earn enough money to happily relax under a tree. The fisherman asked him – what do you think I am doing now?

I said, “Yes, I know that story. What about it?”

“You see, Alexander conquered the whole world and still died. Julius Caesar was king of the world and still died. Genghis Khan dominated the whole world and still died. Everyone who ever wanted to rule the world ended up dying. In the course of their conquests, they became the cause of the death of millions of people. What is the meaning of their life?”

I almost began to explain how their life is a great example and what a great achievement it is to conquer the world but I stopped. The way he framed that question against the outcome of their conquests made me hesitate and reflect.

History is usually presented to us as a one sided story. No doubt, Alexander conquered the world but it is also a fact that he killed millions of people in his way. To prove what? Were these people posing any problem to his kingdom? Definitely not. I instantly lost all regard for all the people engaged in war and battles through the ages. There was a contradiction created in my mind. I was arguing that it is not right to end one’s own life and here I was unconsciously appreciating all those who killed others. If I cannot end my own life, what right do I have to end someone else’s life?

He saw the puzzled look on my face and smiled. He got up and started to walk away from the cliff back towards the mountain path. I quickly got up and started following him. I was relieved that he might have changed his mind about jumping off the cliff. Some stars were visible in the sky now although it was not completely dark.

“Every person is born in a certain environment, a certain atmosphere imbued with certain potentials.” I heard him saying. Although he was a few feet ahead of me, I could hear him clearly.

He continued, “Alexander was born in an environment where he had swords and spears as his training tools and playing toys. Young men in his time aspired to be in the army as that was honorable and prestigious. Further, even if he had the idea in his imagination, he could not have come up with a usable rifle or a battle tank. He was limited to horses. Follow me?”

“Yes, I do.” I said. I could see some sense in what he was saying. My thoughts started associating. Alexander Graham Bell could not have invented the iPhone. The technology simply was not there in his time. All he could do in his time and age was to invent the telephone. The industrial revolution of the early 19th century would have inspired many desirous young men at the time to get into the rapidly growing manufacturing industry to seek out a fortune.

In our times, we see young men aspire for a life in computing or information technology. We have now a well-established school curriculum to inject students with all the knowledge needed to be able to make a career for themselves. Most end up doing jobs and some enterprising ones become successful in creating new companies and new products.

“In the end everyone is going to die.”

Did I say that or did he say that? I was not sure. Was he reading my thoughts?

I asked, “What did you say?”. He did not reply, just kept walking.

I tried to connect the ideas. We are born, we are influenced by our environment, we pursue those ideals which the atmosphere around us projects and ultimately we die. Like there is no fun in watching a suspense movie when right from the beginning you know who the culprit is, there is no fun in living a life when you know the end result.

If I am anyway going to die someday, why not today? Why not end this? What is the point of accomplishing a hundred things and then dying? Like the fisherman said to the businessman – what do you think I am doing now, I asked myself, what is the point of living if I am going to die?

Suddenly he turned around and coming closer said, “Exactly. That’s the question.”

We had reached another higher spot on the mountain. The wind was blowing fast and I had started to feel cold. I wish I had brought my windcheater. Obviously I had not planned on meeting this person and staying out so late. As I saw him moving closer to the edge of the precipice I felt another chill. Had he changed his mind again? He probably wanted to jump off from a higher spot after all. Maybe he was aspiring for a higher death. Shut up, I said to myself.

I decided to divert his attention by asking, “Hey tell me one thing. I do see the point that since I am going to die anyway, I see the futility of all the struggles and achievements in life even if all my craziest desires are fulfilled. But at the same time, something in me is definitely not convinced that the only option is to end my life right now. So if suicide is not an option and living is also not an option, what option do I have?”

“Did you have any choice in your birth – to what parents to be born to, in what year and age to be born in, in which country to be born in?”, he asked.


“Do you have a choice in your death – with what illness to die, at what age to die, in which country to die, in which accident or disaster to die?”


“Then what makes you certain you have a choice in anything that happens between the two points of birth and death?”

I frowned. I did not understand what he said but I knew he had said something of deep significance. I reflected on it. I am born in this year and age, to my parents in the social and economic environment of my times. All my aspirations and desires are molded by the atmosphere in which I live.

If today for instance, I decide to take a sword and spear and announce my mission of conquering the world, I would be caught and put in an asylum. I do not desire a telephone but an iPhone because that is what is available.

I may desire to travel to space one day because that is on the horizon of being a reality but I cannot desire something that I have no idea about. I have a desire to earn money but now the atmosphere is in the process of creating the desire to earn cryptocurrencies.

I started to feel a strange sensation. I realized that I am aware of the atmosphere and the environment more clearly than I am aware of who I am as a separate entity from the rest of everything. I knew a lot about the universe, the earth, countries, languages, economics, politics, history, science, mathematics, people in my life, my experiences and memories. But who am I? This I do not know.

“You want to know?” He again seemed to have mysteriously read my mind.

I did not have to answer. He knew I wanted to.

“Come up here.” He asked me to come close to the edge where he was standing. It was already night and the lights from the city down below was the only way to know how far up we were on the mountain. It was scary.

He stepped back and asked me stand on the edge. I hesitated. He asked me to close my eyes to keep the fear away. The cold wind was blowing hard on my face.

All of a sudden he pushed me from behind. Was it that he pushed me or was it that he entered my body. I could not make out. I was not falling. I opened my eyes instinctively.

The sky was full of stars like never before I had seen. Every inch of the sky was filled with stars. I could feel as if in slow motion I on this earth was moving in this celestial vast emptiness of space. I did not feel my body or hands or legs. Just plain awareness of being. Infinite. Timeless.

That moment I realized, there was no birth, no death, neither me, nor another.

“Stop reading those spooky stories”, my wife shouted from the bedroom. “Switch off the lights and sleep. Have to wake up the kids for school at six”. I quickly closed the book and jumped into the blanket with her.