Tag Archives: life

A Conversation on War, Perception, and Conscience

Conversations, Nature of Reality, On Knowing Oneself, ,

I met a friend M at a café. What began as a casual conversation took an interesting turn.

M: Crazy things going on in the world right now, isn’t it?

Me: You mean the war?

M: Yes. It feels wrong. The way the USA has approached Iran, and how it presents itself as the righteous side — it feels hard to accept.

At this point, most conversations drift in a familiar direction — recounting mistakes, exchanging opinions, or even mocking those involved.
But rarely do they go deeper.

Me: That may be true. But there’s something we often miss.

M: What?

Me: You and I can look at these actions and call them wrong or even foolish. But do you think those taking these actions see them that way?

I doubt it.

From their perspective, they are doing the right thing. In fact, they may feel the world is unfairly criticizing them and not supporting their effort.

M: What do you mean?

Me: Take the USA — or more specifically, leaders like Donald Trump and those who support such decisions. They are not directly experiencing what people on the receiving end of bombings go through.

From where they stand, their actions make sense.

They may genuinely believe that a nuclear-armed Iran is a threat to US interests and global stability — and that such a threat must be eliminated.

Iran, on the other hand, has lived under sanctions for decades and sees US military presence in neighbouring regions. From their perspective, developing nuclear capability may feel like the only way to deter aggression.

So both sides may claim they want peace.

And yet, their actions lead to war — the opposite of peace.

M: So are you saying both USA and Iran are right?

Me: I’m not focusing on who is right or wrong. That’s difficult to conclude.

What matters is this:

Our actions are shaped by how we see the situation.

How we see drives how we act. And that is what creates the wide range of situations and experiences we see in the world.

M: Can you explain that further?

Me: Donald Trump has spoken about wanting peace, even positioning himself as someone deserving recognition for it. Yet his actions — such as withdrawing from agreements and choosing military responses — appear misaligned with that intention.

But from his perspective, the world looks different.

If you see Iran as a serious and immediate threat, your actions will reflect that perception. He sees himself leading the world’s most powerful military — so why not use it to neutralize that threat?

Similarly, Iran may see itself as acting defensively. It knows that countries with nuclear capability are rarely challenged. With US bases surrounding it, the threat feels constant. From that view, nuclear capability becomes a deterrent.

So the USA sees Iran as a threat that must be stopped.

Iran sees nuclear capability as necessary for survival.

Both may want peace — but their perceptions lead to actions that create conflict.

M: That’s interesting. But what will make them change?

Me: I don’t know about Trump specifically. But in my experience, change comes from clear seeing.

When I see clearly — without justifying, without blaming others — that my actions are not aligned with my intention, or when I truly feel the impact of my actions on others, something shifts.

What we call conscience awakens.

And only that can change how we act.

M: Can you give an example?

Me: Sometimes individuals step away from positions of power or responsibility when they realize their actions are not aligned with what they truly stand for. You may have heard of officials in the Trump administration who resigned.

Not out of guilt.

But out of clarity.

M: So are you saying those who go to war have no conscience?

Me: It’s more subtle than that.

It’s not that people lack conscience.

It’s that it often remains dormant.

Most of us lose touch with our deeper intention. We move through life mechanically. In that process, our actions drift away from what we would truly stand for.

When that gap is not seen, nothing changes. We continue to justify our actions.

But when someone pauses, reflects, and clearly sees the mismatch between intention and action, conscience can awaken.

And with that clarity, action changes naturally, without any external force.

M: So one must remember one’s intention?

Me: Yes.

Deep Conversation in a Café

Conversations, Nature of Reality, On Knowing Oneself,

A recent conversation with my friend S in a café.

Me: Life is uncertain. Don’t you think? Anything can happen anytime.

Friend: Yes, so go ahead and enjoy it while it lasts. Why are you worried and always trying to show the fleeting side of it?

Me: But don’t you see what’s happening in the world?

Friend: How does that affect you?

Me: Don’t be so naïve. Even if it doesn’t affect you now, it will in a few months. Everything is connected. You have a cushion to protect you from shocks. Not everyone has it.

Friend (thinking): True. But what can you do about it? These forces are beyond your control. And one thing is sure — worrying about it won’t make it better.

Me: My point is not about worrying. My point is — why are we not seeing? Why are we ignoring what’s happening and going on with our lives as if nothing is happening? We are turning a blind eye.

Friend: It’s not like that. One person can’t do much even if they see what’s going on. Don’t you have a family to take care of? You must enjoy your life while you can. Why bother about things happening elsewhere that don’t concern you?

This is the challenge with most people. We don’t see the whole picture. We see only what is happening in our own lives. And eventually, when things don’t go right for us, we experience the same apathy from others. Then we complain — why is no one bothered? Why does no one see? We want others to look at us. But we don’t want to look at others. This is how we are conditioned. But it is conditioning. And it can be seen.

Me: Hear me out. Let’s try to understand.

You go to work to earn money. With that money, you enjoy life. You feel you are doing well. You earned it, so you deserve it.

But look closely — this is a setup.

You are born into it. You are told to pursue education, get a job, build a life. And once you do, you feel you’ve succeeded. You left others behind. You are smart, capable.

But something else happens quietly.

You become afraid of losing it.

This life pulls you into its vortex. You run faster and faster.

Yes, there are good moments — travel, experiences, comfort.

But underneath it all, your life becomes structured and narrow.

Home → car → office → car → home.

Maybe an airport. Maybe a restaurant. Then back again.

You don’t really know what lies beyond this loop.

You are isolated from the larger movement of life.

As you grow older, the pressure increases —

on your relationships, your health, your mind.

And even if you want to step out, you can’t.

The best you get is a two-week vacation.

Friend: What’s your point? It sounds depressing. Why focus on the negative side?

Me: I’m not talking about everyone.

There are people struggling every day just to survive. For them, meaning and purpose are not the priority. They need solutions, not philosophy.

But there are others — like you and me.

We are in a more comfortable position. We have time. We have stability.

So what do we do with that space?

We work more.

Or we distract ourselves.

Friend: What is there to find out? Not everyone is spiritually inclined like you. People want to enjoy life. What’s wrong with that? If I’ve earned money, shouldn’t I enjoy it?

Me: It’s not about spirituality or giving things up.

It’s about reality.

I’m saying — you are not really living in the real world.

It’s like being born in Disneyland and believing the cartoon characters are real.

You never question.

You never wonder.

And I don’t blame you.

You were given answers early in life — so you stopped looking for yourself.

This is where most conversations end. People disengage. They return to their phones, messages, news. Curiosity has been slowly replaced by information. We were trained to accumulate knowledge — not to inquire. To rekindle that curiosity is difficult. Sometimes, it takes a shock.

Friend: So what do you want me to see?

Me: Look — you believe you are S.

But are you really?

Others told you that. It’s written on your birth certificate, your Aadhaar card. You can prove it.

But that is just a name.

Who are you, really?

Have you ever wondered about this simple fact — that you are alive?

Or do you just carry on mechanically?

It is possible to live like this — comfortably, in this constructed world.

But if curiosity is rekindled, something changes.

You begin to look.

Beyond the structure. Beyond the story.

And in that moment of seeing, you experience yourself as the one who sees.

Beyond identity. Beyond labels.

At that point, words fall short.

From there, you have to see for yourself.

Friend: (looks at me in disbelief)

“Okay…Sounds nice. Let’s go now. Please ask for the bill.”

Scrolling till Enlightenment

Conversations, Enlightenment, On Knowing Oneself, Stories, Zen, , , ,

Yesterday, late in the afternoon, after a sumptuous lunch, I was doing nothing (i.e. scrolling reels). I came across Shakespeare’s quote from King Lear

I paused to reflect – Am I doing something or doing nothing? I started to feel a bit uneasy & guilty. However, the next reel raised my spirit.

I relaxed on reading that. It was very sound advice but it lasted only a few reels until I came across Henry David Thoreau.

I had to read that a few times before it sank in. Having nothing to do, I must still do something. What could that be? As I was reflecting on what to do, I got the answer on the 12th reel.

Zen sayings have a magical effect. They stop your thinking and make you wonder. I couldn’t agree more. Everything happens on its own. Who am I to do something?

Energized by that I now aimed for perfection. However just then Robert Schuller, the author of ‘Tough Times Never Last but Tough People Do’ pitched in

Oh. Is it so? Doubts started to creep in about my doing nothing even though I did it perfectly. How can one handle such criticism? As I browsed through reels striving to achieve clarity. Aristotle made an appearance and helped me find inner peace by pointing out in a typically Greek way

I thought to myself that there must be some truth to his advice since no one criticized him for so many centuries for putting the Earth in the center of the Universe. I continued scrolling further…

Even before I could figure out what that ‘SOMETHING’ to do was…

I thought I finally found that ‘SOMETHING’ to do – ‘NOTHING’!

In a way the previous two quotes seemed to cancel each other. I wonder what Keillor and Lounsbrough would have discussed over a cup of coffee.

But I don’t like to regret my actions later. What if I was supposed to DO SOMETHING but I did NOTHING. Or what if I was supposed to DO NOTHING but did SOMETHING? Wouldn’t it be a disaster?

To hell with that.

Things were really getting heated up (My phone was also feeling warm in my hands). It was like nearing the climax of a mystery. Anytime now it would become crystal clear what I needed to do.

To Do or Not To do That is the Question!

The anticipation brought me to Warren Buffet, arguably the greatest ‘INVESTOR OF ALL TIME’ [unlike me]

I was going to settle on that as the final word when I heard my wife shout from the other room

I had asked you in the morning to get some fruits and vegetables. DID YOU GET IT?

In that moment I got enlightened.

Going Off On a Tangent

Enlightenment, Metaphors, On Knowing Oneself, Reflections, Systems Thinking, Zen, ,

Have you ever felt like life is just going around in circles? The routines, the struggles, the repeating thought patterns, the same troublesome emotions, the same “new beginnings” that end up eventually in the same rut that one feels the need to start again.

At first, being in a pattern can feel safe, it is familiar, predictable, and gives a sense of rhythm. But after a while, the safety of the pattern turns into the suffocation of repetition.

Going in circles is deceptive. You feel you are moving but are always in the same place. You feel the momentum of motion, but in reality, you are orbiting the same thoughts, patterns, and habits. The scenery changes slightly – new job titles, different faces, altered circumstances – but the essence of your life remains the same.

Faster or Slower, it’s still the Circle

When we notice this pattern, our instinct is often to change the speed. We think: “If I push harder, go faster, and achieve more, I’ll break free.” Or sometimes the opposite: “If I slow down, practice patience, and let things unfold, maybe I’ll escape the monotony.”

But here’s the hard truth: whether you speed up or slow down, you are still moving in the same circle. Velocity does not change trajectory. The only way out of a circle is not acceleration or deceleration, it is deviation. You have to go off on a tangent.

The Tangent

A tangent is radical. It does not continue the curve; it breaks away from it. It looks like rebellion, disruption, or even recklessness from inside the circle. And that is exactly what makes it powerful.

But here’s what we often underestimate: going off on a tangent is not easy. There is a strong gravitational pull that keeps us tied to the center, the comfort of familiarity, the approval of others, the inertia of habit. Breaking away feels like tearing yourself from an invisible tether. You may step out briefly, but very soon, the force of conformity pulls you back.

That’s why tangents are often short-lived. People quit their jobs, leave a relationship, or embark on a bold new path, but before long, they find themselves in another circle that looks strikingly like the one they left. The old cycle has been replaced by a new one, and the illusion of freedom doesn’t last.

Tangent as both Freedom and Responsibility

From the perspective of the circle, a tangent looks like absolute freedom. You’ve escaped! You’re no longer bound to the endless loop. But once you are truly on the tangent, a deeper demand arises – the demand to see for yourself.

The circle gave you the comfort to close your eyes. It told you how to behave, what to expect, and what was acceptable. You did not have to think for yourself. The tangent offers no such guidance. It gives you freedom, but also the responsibility of discovery, of finding your own path. You cannot lean on the crowd anymore; you must rely on the integrity of your own mind.

This is what Ralph Waldo Emerson meant when he said:

Society everywhere is in Conspiracy
against every one of its members.
The virtue in most request is conformity.
Self-reliance is its aversion.
One who would gather immortal palms
must not be hindered by the name of goodness,
but must explore if it be goodness.
Nothing is at last sacred
but the integrity of your own mind.

The circle is society’s conspiracy of conformity. The tangent is self-reliance – the courage to explore goodness not as it is defined for you, but as you must discover for yourself.

The Hidden Trap: Circles Disguised as Tangents

There is another subtle danger here. Sometimes what looks like a tangent is just another circle waiting in disguise. You may think you’ve escaped by changing careers, moving cities, choosing a new partner or adopting new beliefs. But unless the movement is inwardly awake and conscious, it is easy to get trapped again – another orbit, another loop, another pattern.

The lesson here is that true tangents are not one-time events. They are not just about leaving a particular job, person, or place. They are about cultivating the courage to question, to step aside, to not be lulled into conformity every single day.

Being Always on a Tangent

To be truly free is to keep breaking the circles as they form. It means watching when you are being pulled back by habit or by society’s voice and daring, once again, to step out. Every day brings opportunities for tangents, small ones and large ones.

  • When you say no to a familiar but draining pattern, you’ve taken a tangent.
  • When you question a belief that everyone around you holds, you’ve taken a tangent.
  • When you dare to listen to your own integrity over collective approval, you’ve taken a tangent.

The point is not to escape once and be done with it once and for all, but to live in such a way that tangents become your mode of life. And to realize and accept that others might think you are crazy not to follow the path of the circle.

Breaking away from circles, going off on a tangent

So if your life feels like it’s going around in circles, recognize that speeding up or slowing down will not change the geometry. The only real move is to break away. And yes, it’s uncomfortable. Yes, it comes with the risk of being misunderstood. Yes, you may even end up in another circle. But in the act of choosing the tangent, you awaken to yourself.

Life’s vitality comes not from perfect routines or flawless circles, but from the courage to keep breaking them. The tangent is not just the way out, it is the way to be alive. The real point is not about going off on a tangent but to not get trapped in a circle.

P.S. The Illusion of the Circle and the Tangent

If you really investigate the circle, you will find it is not some solid structure that traps you. It is made only of people moving in circles, repeating patterns, conforming to expectations. The circle has no independent existence. It is only maintained because we keep walking on it, following others blindly. And so, while it seems difficult to break free, the truth is that nothing actually binds you. The circle dissolves the moment you become aware.

A Lesson from a Small Emotional Trigger

On Knowing Oneself, Reflections, Stories,

Yesterday afternoon, I dropped my daughter off at her guitar class and parked my car in front of a closed laundry shop. Since the class was an hour long, I settled in with a book as I waited.

About half an hour later, someone knocked on my window. I looked up to see a balding man in a loose shirt and trousers, with a stubble. In a loud, slightly annoyed tone he said: “गाडी पुढे घे” (move the car ahead).

For a moment, I was stunned. I wasn’t blocking anyone; I was parked at the kerb. Then I realized—he was the laundry shop owner, wanting to park his two-wheeler in front of his shop, and my car was in the way.

I moved the car a few feet forward, but I found myself unsettled. It wasn’t what he said, but how he said it. I kept thinking about it and soon realized: he said “गाडी पुढे घे”. What I had expected was “गाडी पुढे घ्या.”

For those who know Marathi, the distinction is clear. घे is casual, often used with peers or those considered of lower status. घ्या, on the other hand, is polite and respectful, used for elders or those higher in status.

Why was I upset? Because I felt he hadn’t addressed me “politely.” Somewhere, unconsciously, I was thinking: I am a car owner, an educated person; surely, he should have the courtesy to use the proper words with me.

As I reflected further, I realized something uncomfortable. In my own interactions, I am polite to everyone—the maid at home, the building sweeper, the auto-rickshaw driver. I always use घ्या for strangers. And so, I expected the same courtesy in return.

But on thinking deeper, I recognized another truth. In Marathi, the casual घे is far more common in everyday speech, especially on the streets. For the shop owner, his language was normal and unfiltered. He wasn’t being rude—he was simply speaking the way he always does.

The real lesson here was not about language, but about triggers. If we aren’t aware of them, small things—like a single word—can upset us without our realizing why. But if we pause, observe our feelings, and trace them back to their source, we begin to see the trigger for what it is. And often, we see that the other person never intended to offend us at all. The sense of being offended is created because of our own tacit expectations.

So the next time you feel disturbed, pause and ask yourself: what exactly triggered me? Awareness is the first step to freedom.

Be aware. Be attentive. Be awake.

Les Misérables

Movies,

Director: Billie August
Actors: Liam Neeson, Geoffrey Rush

This is one of the film adaptations of the classic novel Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. There are probably 10 or more movie adaptations of this marvellous novel. I have never got tired watching this movie. In fact, I have watched quite a few versions – the 1998 one starring Liam Neeson, one of my favourite actors as Jean Valjean, the 1978 version, the 1958 version and also the 2012 musical version starring Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe.

Although it is a long and elaborate story and also considered one of the longest novels in history with 1800-1900 pages, Les Miserables is about how one genuine act of kindness and compassion can turn a bad man into a good man. The story is about how that good man, despite all the provocations throughout the story does not return to being bad again.

The story is set in Paris in the 19th century. Jean Valjean, a young man, gets caught by the police after he steals a loaf of bread for his starving family. For such a small offence he is sentenced to 5 years of rigorous imprisonment. He is relegated to breaking stones and doing hard labour. During his term, he tries to escape and is caught. Every time he is caught escaping his prison term is increased 4 years. He eventually spends 19 years in prison.

When he is released from prison, no one gives him any shelter because of his yellow passport which identifies him as an ex-convict. As he is sleeping outside, to his surprise, the benevolent Bishop of the church, invites him inside. The Bishop Myriel serves him food and also gives him a place to sleep.

Jean is utterly shocked with this behaviour yet decides to rob the valuables in the church during the night. He steals some silverware and runs away. However, he is caught and since the police recognize some of the items of the church, they bring him to the Bishop.

This is where the turning point of the story unfolds. Jean is sure he will be put into prison again. However, the Bishop very softly convinces the police that Jean is no thief. He had himself given all that silverware to Jean and asks the police to release him. After the police leave, the Bishop gives some more items to Jean saying he forgot to take those.

Jean does not understand this act of kindness. He was used to being treated unfairly. Imagine having spent 19 years in prison for stealing a loaf of bread. The Bishop tells him that with all that silverware, he has purchased his soul and now he must become a honest man.

Bishop: Now don’t forget, don’t ever forget, you’ve promised to become a new man.
Jean Valjean: Promise? Why, why are you doing this?
Bishop: Jean Valjean, my brother, you no longer belong to evil. With this silver, I have bought your soul. I’ve ransomed you from fear and hatred, and now I give you back to God.

The story then takes a jump forward and it is shown that Jean Valjean has truly made good use of the money and become a good man. He has also become the Mayor of a town. While it seems that life has changed for the good, his past catches up with him.

Inspector Javert develops a suspicion that the Mayor is actually Jean Valjean. He tries to keep an eye on him and follows him everywhere. At every turn, Jean tries to do good and at every other turn, Javert almost gets the evidence of him being Valjean. The story moves on and eventually at the end, as Javert was about to be killed by the revolutionaries, Jean Valjean asks for permission to do the needful. However, he takes Javert to a secluded location and sets him free.

It is now time for Javert to be shocked and surprised by this act of Jean Valjean. Despite all the hate that Javert carried for Valjean throughout the story, Valjean never lost his conscience and the promise he made to the Bishop to be a honest man. It is a powerful message.

Transformation of Being

Is it possible for someone to be transformed from a corrupt person to a true genuine human being? In mythology, the robber Valmiki became the sage Valmiki after his encounter with Narada. The story of Angulimala also demonstrates how a highway murderer got transformed into a monk after his meeting with the Buddha.

Evil begets evil and good begets good. Like Jean Valjean, we experience injustice in our lives most of the times. Other people do not treat us well, we get punished for things we have not done, we are not appreciated for our goodness. Experiencing such things, we also give the same treatment to others. Thus life becomes a suffering for all.

Once in a while, we experience some good person who treats us well, offers us something unexpected, does not punish us even though we have done wrong. We can feel the love and compassion in that moment. Yes, it does have a transforming effect in that moment.

However, the test of life is in how we behave and act once we are back within the general population. Was that a temporary transformation or does it have a lasting effect like the Bishop Myriel had on Jean Valjean. What state of mind do you want to live in? Constant hate or Loving forgiveness?

Watch Les Miserables and decide for yourself.

What to do in life?

Reflections

This is a critical question – What to do in life?

Most people do what everyone else is doing.  For example – study, go to school, college, do a job, start a business, marry, make kids, send them to school, get them married and so on. Society encourages you to make money, become successful and famous, buy property and make life more secure for yourself and your family. That is the general direction of humanity. If you observe all this closely from a very objective standpoint, it all seems mindless and boring. It is sheer stupidity.

You also see some people who live the so called religious life or spiritual life i.e. they do meditation, follow some practices like chanting mantras, go to some religious places or on a pilgrimage, join some satsang and listen to some guru. They may also engage in occasional charity, yoga, participate in workshops and also admonish others who are living the regular life to mend their ways and follow the higher path. At the end of the day, this is equally boring and senseless.

Gurdjieff talks of Type A, Type B and Type C influences. Most people live under Type A and Type B influences. But there is still disillusionment. Nothing seems worth doing. One can do the things as pointed out by society and others and also earn the fruits from them but then what? For someone who thinks too much and sees too far like The Outsider of Colin Wilson, the prospect of living like this for the entire life is meaningless.

Religions have pointed to something higher e.g. Nirvana, Atman, Brahman, merging your consciousness with the higher consciousness, becoming one with the Universe. You are That! Until you experience that, there seems to be no escape from the mundane. But once you see that, once you experience that even for a moment, then life is not the same. Then ‘I’ does not matter, it’s a lie, an illusion, once the ‘Nameless’ is seen.

Having seen that and experienced that, the daily life is even more drudgery – the recurring chores, eating food, washing clothes, going to office, making presentations – a drab and dreary life. One reflects – what can I do to wake up every day and live like God? There is a great sense of urgency. Earlier, one thinks it’s a long life but now one sees how fleeting life is and desires to merge with God consciousness at the soonest. 

Quitting one’s job is not the solution. It will create more stress since you will need to focus on the dull and boring task of making ends meet. So what to do? You cannot go into ecstasies like Ramakrishna all the time and forget about everything.

A sure sign of progress on this path is the voluntary reduction in the intellectual tasks like planning, working out alternatives, etc. You just want to do simple things like organizing the house items, working on some craft ideas, reading a book, not doing anything in general but just breathing and living in the present moment. 

Once you realize that all things are fleeting i.e. they are impermanent, that in fact they don’t exist at all but only appear to be there, then there is no desire to possess them. Even if there is an interest, it wanes soon. This is true of money, property and things.

Once you realize that all time is now, then there is no worry of the past and the future. You look around and see yourself everywhere. The universe breathing in and out. You don’t wish for something to happen or regret for something that happened because those are just your interpretations.

Once you realize that others don’t exist as people but only appear to be so, you develop compassion for them and their silly life. You prefer to stay alone in seclusion. You don’t need anything from them and neither do you have anything to advise them or give them. If something pops in your mind to do, you simply do that. There is no guilt, shame, fear, anger or desire.

To conclude, you live fully by NOT living in the worldly way. Stopping the worldly activities is the only way to live more abundantly. You are relaxed and not stressed about anything. Relaxation is enlightenment as Kenichi san says.

The Buddha talks of extinguishing the flame. It means you are so much one with the existence that the separate entity does not exist. The thoughts cease and that is called the end of the cycle of birth and death.

Do you have any alternative way of living? Do you want to continue living and going through all the sufferings, tensions, troubles and frustrations or having to put up with the world. How should one engage with the people of the world who tell you what to do – to you who sees more than they do?

You need to tell them how short-sighted they are, how foolish, ignorant and deluded they are. They will not like it, they will not relate to you, they will ignore you or even persecute you. But you cannot join them in their tomfoolery and play their games and pretend to like it.

You must live by your truth!

Madness

Reflections

Some said she was mad. That she was taken to a psychiatrist in the past was reason enough to declare her mad. And also the information that she went into depression 3 times was supposed to make it clear that she is mad. And it is easy for anyone to believe so, based on the information given, especially if it comes from someone who is close to you and who is ‘clearly’ not mad. Further it is possible, you might hear the same thing from multiple people, which reinforces the notion.

From the above, it would seem that only a person who is not mad can recognize a person who is mad. But if we give it some thought, it would be clear that it would not be possible for a person who claims to be not mad to recognize another who is mad. How does he know? Has he been mad before to know intimately that the other person is mad? Or is he an expert in the field of madness?

Come to think of it, the psychiatrists who treat their patients do not think that they are mad. Then what makes it so easy for us to judge someone as mad. Do we have any checklist for coming to that conclusion? I guess not. So why do we accept so easily that she is mad. Is it that we trust the person who reports it? Do we believe that the person has verified it for himself and has enough proof of the same? Or accepting someone as mad makes us feel superior in comparison? If she is mad, then I am not.

Once I accept that she is mad, then my behavior towards her will be colored by that judgement. I may avoid her. I may be careful in speaking to her. And I will ignore or discount anything she says because after all she is mad. And a mad person can say nothing of significance.

If I am the sort of person who does not think and evaluate the information I receive, then I am happy with the ‘knowledge’ that she is mad. I am only interested in taking advantage of such tips. I would think to myself – Thanks for telling me. It will save my time as I do not have to deal with her now.

But if I am the sort of person who knows, maybe through past experience, that just hearing from someone that she is mad is not enough for me to get a full understanding of the situation, then I will reserve my judgment on her. I will only make a note of the statement that someone made with respect to her and leave it at that. I am in no hurry to accept it as a fact.

If I am never going to meet her, then what is the point of carrying this information with me? And if I simply want to share this information with others then I am clearly acting like the person who simply forwards Whatsapp messages without restraint.

However, if I happen to meet her then I have the opportunity of knowing for myself whether she is mad or not. But in this case, it is difficult for most people to be objective. The previous information gathered from hearsay might lead one to perceive all her behavior as that of a mad person. And in this perception, one forgets that one is not an expert in this field of madness anyway so how can one make a proper assessment?

I can only observe that she is different. She speaks differently, reacts differently, behaves differently. Is that enough for me to come to a conclusion about her being mad?

Do I want her to be normal? What does normal mean anyway? Does it mean like me? Or some ideal I have in mind? Expecting someone to be someone else is like saying I was expecting blue to be green and orange to be red. But blue is blue and green is green. Everything is as it is, despite our wishes about it. A person is far more complex than a color.

What if I allow her to be – allow her to be the way she is. Does it really matter whether we categorize her as mad or not mad? If we do not conclude anything, then there is nothing more to do. The question whether she is mad or not mad is no longer important.

It is easy to label an image of a person in the mind as mad but when you meet a person in the flesh, that description is insufficient to capture the entire essence of the person. So there is no choice but to drop the conclusion, to drop the judgment and let the person go free.

What is Zen Counseling?

Buddhism, Zen, ,

I would define counseling as a process in which one human being helps another to solve a personal problem or discover a direction to solve a troublesome issue. There are many kinds of specialized counseling – relationship counseling, career counseling, psychological counseling, parent-child counseling, teenage counseling, and so on.

In all counseling, it is assumed that the counselor has more experience, more knowledge, more insight about a subject and is therefore in a superior position than the client. One goes to a counselor expecting to receive customized advice or personalized solutions from someone who knows the patterns of such problems and the generic solutions to those. And what does the counselor do? He hears the problems of the client and maps it to some similar problems in his past experiences, searches for an appropriate solution for that and gives that advice to the client.

A canned solution can never solve a unique problem.

But most counselors learn only canned approaches and solutions which they offer to their clients – because those solutions are in vogue, in current fashion or currently acceptable.

But let me ask a question. Can one person help another person just by virtue of being another human being? Without being an expert, without being more experienced in any skill or domain? Is there a quality in which every human being in equally skilled? What is the action that every person can do equally well – in all circumstances, always, in any relationship, in any environment, through any means of communication?

Yes, there is this skill, this ability, this faculty which is equal in all human beings – it is not thinking, it is not talking, it is not walking or acting

It is LISTENING.

Anyone can listen, young or old, fair or dark, male or female, today or tomorrow, 10,000 years in the history or 10,000 years in the future, anyone can listen.

Everything else might be different, the way we speak, the way we think, the language we speak or the content of our thoughts. But the way to listen cannot be different in any age for anyone. Every human being can listen.

And with listening, one human being can help another. Anyone can help anyone without any special skills on knowledge or expertise or experience. The power of listening to solve problems is the most under-appreciated power in human beings. In fact, listening is not considered to be of any significance in daily life. I say that almost all human problems arise because we do not listen enough, and we do not listen deeply.

How does listening help another person?

  1. Listening conveys acceptance: As human beings, we are unique in our thoughts, likes, dislikes, experiences and desires. We want others to accept us as we are. Listening to another shows that you accept the other person as he/she is.
  2. Listening does not judge: Given a person’s problem or situation, if we judge that as good or bad, it puts an end to the discussion. Any judgement is a conclusion and stops further conversation. You don’t feel understood if the person listening to you is constantly judging you. But when you listen attentively without judging then the speaker opens up. He/she starts to trust you and opens up more.
  3. Listening gives space: In today’s world, everyone wants to speak and get his thoughts out there in front of other people. Advertisements, slogans, speeches – everyone seems to be speaking and no one seems to be listening. This suffocates the mind. Mind needs space for creativity, for problem solving. But when there is no space, mind reacts, gets into a survival mode and deteriorates into emotional outbursts. When you listen, it gives space for the other person to look at his own thoughts, to unwind, to untie the knots within.
  4. Listening is compassionate: When you listen, you show an interest in the other person. Since you want to know more, you ask questions, you clarify things. All this displays compassion and empathy towards another.
  5. Listening is freedom: In normal conversation, there seems to be a compulsion to say something, to respond with an answer or a suggestion. But when you are listening you are free. You don’t have to respond to any pressure. Listening is therapeutic. Listening is relaxing.

Zen Counseling is based on this power of listening to help other people solve their problems. It combines listening with the fundamental insights and principles of Zen Buddhism to provide a very potent and very effective way to problem solving.

Zen Buddhism considers every human being to be a Buddha.

A Buddha is an awakened one, one whose mind is awake. An implication of this premise is that for any person who as a problem, the solution to that problem is within his own mind. No external answer will suffice.

Therefore, in Zen Counseling, the first rule for a counselor is to consider the client as a Buddha. And the second rule is not to offer any advice.

The Zen Counselor simply listens in a relaxed manner. As the client talks about his / her problem, the Zen Counselor continues to listen. And in this listening process, in the space that is created, in the acceptance and the non-judgmental atmosphere, the client starts to unravel his problem in his own awareness. As the problem becomes clear, the client will start to see the solution emerge.

The life situation of the client, the experiences of the client and the specific attitude and personality of the client determines the solution.

Any solution offered by the Zen Counselor is not going to be effective because it will be colored by his own biases and past experiences or no experiences. Therefore, a Zen Counselor never offers any advice. And that is the power of Zen Counseling.

It is effective in any circumstance, any age, for anyone, young or old, for any problem – career, relationship, finance, goal setting, sometimes even physical pain.

Zen Counseling is the way of the Buddha. It is surprisingly effective in solving problems or helping people find a direction.

Two Sides of a Coin?

Conversations, Enlightenment, Language, Metaphors

What if I fall?

Oh, but my darling what if you fly! 

Erin Hanson

Essentially this line spells one thing, that there are two sides to a coin. One is the dark one, the negative and scary side, while the other, is the bright one, the positive one that is so encouraging and reassuring. 

Life throws a million chances and opportunities at us just like this one, where we either fly or end up falling. So what is it that life is trying to teach? Is it sheer luck or is there something more to it? The answer probably lies in the way we try to perceive each incident. Every situation can be seen from two sides – the positive as well as the negative. 

For instance when we experience happiness on winning a game or gaining a promotion do we really think of the flip side of it? Probably not, because we are too immersed in the happy moment. The flip side of a win can be that we may have to double the efforts to make sure that we keep winning the game which means more hard work. The flip side of a promotion can be that we must handle greater responsibility and work more at proving ourselves as a worthy choice. We might fail at these things can’t we. On the other side when we suddenly lose someone dear to us, we fall into a grief so deep that we hardly realise that it is strengthening us from the inside and making us resilient to stand up again even when we are hurt. That is a powerful positive side to a bad incident. 

So in effect, what we must learn and appreciate about each experience is that every time it happens, it teaches us something. What use is anything that happens in life, if we do not rise up higher in our understanding and realisation through the experience? Just like a coin even life has two sides and we must accept each with grace. 

We must always remember that the good times come for a price that must be paid and the bad times come with lessons that must be learnt. 

#nehaism – Neha Joshi

One fine day, I explained about the two sides of a coin to Neha and asked her to write about it. While, what she has written above summarizes what I explained to her, she did not think about it deeply and thus missed the essence. The two sides of a coin is an oft-used analogy to help people understand that life is not one-sided. It is used especially to advise people who are habituated to look at life from a single viewpoint or who are caught in a specific life situation. The fact that reminding people of this analogy gives them relief is the proof they need that they were stuck in one sided views.

However, the point that this analogy misses is that a coin does not have two sides (surprised!?). It just appears to have two sides. It actually has more than 2 sides. Consider the thickness at the circumference. That’s the third side. Further, if you observe the coin under a microscope, you will see infinitely more surfaces and sides.

So the point is not to jump to the conclusion that life is colorful and not black and white, which is fine to a certain extent. But what is more difficult to do, and what is needed, is to stop counting the colors or the sides.

Now, one might quickly jump to another conclusion (a conclusion is a kind of a solidified hardened view and most people like to jump to it) that we should take life as it comes. Unfortunately, that too is a view that can be countered by its opposite (two sides of the coin view – take control of your life) or the multi-color view of life (experience everything that life has to offer).

While these views can help us in many ways, ultimately, they are mere views. Is it possible to be free of all views? Because only when you can be free of all views, can you see life in all its pristine beauty and know you are ‘that which views’ and ‘that which is viewed’.